THURSDAY 21 AUGUST
It's not every day you turn 150, or become a sesquincentigarian (for a week). With such an age comes certain gravity and heavy company. How many psalms are in the bible? 150. How about the number of original Pokemon (before Mew)? That's right. Unlike our fellow sesquins, we can't claim to be overly wise. We failed as Pokemon Trainers and are frequently upstaged by nannas.
In the absence of any overriding sense of maturity, TwoThousand chooses to adopt the Billie Burke line: "Age is something that doesn't matter, unless you are a cheese."
Issue 150. Old, good. Old like cheese, better
On the site now:
GOODS: Alphaville Sale
WATCH: SBS, Just watch it ok?
MIXTAPE: Psych!
Cover photo by Thomas Jeppe. If you would like to submit a cover shot email nadia@twothousand.com.au.
Images from Paisley Palace courtesy of Erin Bromhead and Lucy Hinde
Encyclopedia Dramatica
Yelling goat sounds like a man
RVCA shop
Robert Frank’s Cocksucker Blues
Monkey: Journey to the West
Straight Arrows
Angels
Flux on sale
Crombie finds ad dude!
Tell us what's cool
cool@twothousand.com.au
Drama
Wearing a seal hat to the zoo
90210 again
Bob Saget’s freak out
Channel Seven: In Beijing
Meat Water
Angels
GirlTech Stylin’ Studio
Louis Deenan finds a goal
Tell us what's fool
fool@twothousand.com.au
Stuff White People Like
WHAT
STUFF WHITE PEOPLE LIKE
WHERE
ALL GOOD BOOKSTORES, FROM AUG 27
WHO
CHRISTIAN LANDER
HOW MUCH
RRP $24.95
Sure, you're an unassuming, left-leaning gen-X or Y-er who goes to the occasional independent Czech film showcase, has flirted with vegetarianism and secretly likes Kathmandu products. So what, eh? You're just trying to get on in the world, you're not bothering anyone - you believe in social justice, yeah? Of course you do. That's why you find Sarah Silverman so hilarious. Well, look, that's all fine, really, it is. But it doesn't mean you've escaped the keen eye of Christian Lander and the team at stuffwhitepeoplelike.com.
Lander's mission in life, being a PhD dropout, is to define and bring understanding to "the unique taste of millions". His website, www.stuffwhitepeoplelike.com has been celebrating and undermining people of his kind for a while now, and here's the book to prove it. Perhaps you've just returned from a consultation with a naturopath. Maybe, just maybe, you recently had a fringe cut. Like indie music? Well, truth be told, you're white. In this case, you will find much to laugh at, revel in and accuse people of in STUFF WHITE PEOPLE LIKE. Read it over brunch.
Format: Book
Motivation: Kill twenty minutes dead
Keywords: White People, Humour
The Bake Sale, The Cool Kids
WHAT
THE BAKE SALE
WHO
THE COOL KIDS
ON
XL RECORDINGS / REMOTE CONTROL RECORDS
MYSPACE
WWW.MYSPACE.COM/THECOOLKIDS
WIN
ONE OF TWO COPIES OF 'THE BAKE SALE'. JUST EMAIL WIN@TWOTHOUSAND.COM.AU WITH THE SUBJECT 'BAKE ME AN ALBUM'
I'm so white. And gay.
So it will sound pretty ludicrous when I tell you about the dope beats and mad flow this Chicago duo gots. But from their name alone, you know The Cool Kids are that new hip-hop act all us discerning listeners have been dreaming about: one you can love without a hint of irony.
Proving you can make hip-hop that's intelligent yet inviting, self-aware but not a "joke", and ballsy without the machismo, THE BAKE SALE is a debut full of inventive, classic beats, and smart, funny rhymes. And with no trendy experimental cringe factor, this shit won't date, yo.
Is it a testament to The Cool Kids' genius that all us gay white rock critics are wetting our pants over this album? Or a sign of the sorry-ass state of hip hop today?
Whatever dude. Let your chain hang low.
Release: Album
To Cure: A predictable playlist
Keywords: The Cool Kids, Hip Hop, Chicago
Mint Condition Records
WHAT
MINT CONDITION RECORDS
WHERE
403 ILLAWARRA RD, MARRICKVILLE
WHEN
THURS 11AM-8PM, FRI 11AM-6PM, SAT 11AM-7PM
CONTACT
9559 7140 OR INFO@MINTCONDITION.COM.AU
It's a strange paradox when your nan has a better mobile than you do. While she surfs the net downloading tunes to her iPod - she is a true ‘silver surfer' - you rummage through her garage looking for old vinyl.
Old makes way for new right? And ironically, older items become more coveted with that exchange. ‘80s Reebok Pumps currently fetch more on eBay that nu-skool trainers; it won't be long until the kids of tomorrow start collecting crates of cassettes or even CDs.
Until that time, the most shameless of us will continue to crash garage sales hours before the official 9am start. The smarter of the shameless will head to Mazzaville, to knock down the doors of Mint Condition Records. Mint Condition has all the vintage vinyl you could desire with a preference for funk and hip-hop, and they'll even buy your oldies.
Product: Music
Anatomy: Whole body
Keywords: Records, Marrickville
From Bustles to Bridezilla
WHAT
FROM BUSTLES TO BRIDEZILLA
WHERE
NIDA, 215 ANZAC PARADE, KENSINGTON
WHEN
UNTIL AUG 30, MON-SUN 9AM-5PM
CONTACT
9697 7600 OR WWW.NIDA.EDU.AU
Because we all need more conjugality in our lives, 40 bridal gowns are currently on display in the NIDA foyer, replete with veils, millinery and bridal accessories.
Arranged chronologically by decade from 1880 to 1980, FROM BUSTLES TO BRIDEZILLA will appeal to anyone interested in the general history of dress, and the evolution of nuptial fashion.
It's also worth visiting just to experience the dark, eldritch appeal of a large room full of lifeless figures in long white gowns. Why they chose to cover the faces of the mannequins in wrinkled, bruise-coloured velvet remains a mystery, but it is wonderfully creepy...
Medium: Mixed
Drink: Dandy shandy
Keywords: Exhibition, Bridezilla, Fashion, Design, NIDA
Where in the World is Osama Bin Laden?
WHAT
WHERE IN THE WORLD IS OSAMA BIN LADEN?
WHEN
NOW SHOWING
WHERE
DENDY NEWTOWN AND OPERA QUAYS
WATCH THE TRAILER
HERE
WIN
ONE OF FIVE DOUBLE PASSES. TO ENTER, EMAIL WIN@TWOTHOUSAND.COM.AU WITH THE SUBJECT 'DANCE SPURLOCK, DANCE!'. SUBSCRIBER ONLY ENTRY.
Morgan Spurlock's SUPER SIZE ME was a lightning-strike to the zeitgeist with a high-concept hook pitched for maximum McDamage. Can the same be said for his new Middle East extravaganza WHERE IN THE WORLD IS OSAMA BIN LADEN?
Stripped bare, this is a likeable film about everyman Spurlock travelling through strife-torn countries and realising that, you know, people are people, and no one wants war. The end credits show footage of everyone he's met just goofing around for the camera while WHAT'S SO FUNNY ‘BOUT PEACE, LOVE, AND UNDERSTANDING plays - and who can argue with that?
But much of this is buried under Spurlock's panicky search for another high-concept and constant dance-monkey-dance sugar-coated schtick. "Here's me and Osama fighting like in MORTAL KOMBAT! Here's a redneck parody song! Here's Osama dancing to YOU CAN'T TOUCH THIS! Please! Just listen! I'll do anything!"
You can feel his nervous sweat soaking through the screen, and can't help but feel bad for him. Next time you skim a long article about life in the Middle East, or flip from serious news to comforting repeats, imagine poor Morgan Spurlock, dancing desperately for your attention.
Format: Cinema
Mood: Leave brain at home
Keywords: Morgan Spurlock
Victorinox Swiss Memory 128
It's 1897 - and you are in the Swiss Army. Life isn't easy. While you get to wear a lofty beret and voluminous pants, your weaponry is limited to a six-foot spear-thingy and incredibly sharp cheekbones.
This is all about to change with the invention of a top-secret blade. It's like nothing you've ever seen; a knife, corkscrew and tweezer all in one. No longer must you suffer far-flung combat - or splinters.
Victorinox's Swiss Army Knife is now common pocket artillery. Pope John Paul II, The Dalai Lama and 'proud golftool' Otto Walkes all to carry one. Techtools can now have one too. The most updated version has a 128MB memory stick, mini light, retractable ball point pen, nail file, screwdriver and, of course, a blade. Your computer is now one degree of separation from the Swiss Army - not to mention the Pope. Erstaunliche!
Product: Gadgets
Theft: Theft is a risk
Keywords: Knife, USB, Swiss Army, Online
The Falconer
WHAT
THE FALCONER
WHERE
31 OXFORD ST, DARLINGHURST
WHEN
8AM - LATE
HOW MUCH
TASTING PLATE $26
CONTACT
9267 8434
Read this slowly, god knows it took us a while to digest. This is a l-i-c-e-n-s-e-d cafe. On O-x-f-o-r-d S-t-r-e-e-t. Where you will a-c-t-u-a-l-l-y want to stay a while.
As its neighbours dance at light speed, Falconer quietly cruises through coffee (morning) and wine (evening) accompanied by a tasting plate (any time). It's the sort of place friends go for quiet drinks, or heaven forbid, we'd like to go for quiet reading; safely sheltered from the lycra parade outside.
Falconer might be new, but it has a solid history. A former Pony chef masters the kitchen, steady bar staff command the front counter and best of all...cushioned booths bolster drinkers and diners. To top it off, one owner wears natty waistcoats, and the other modelled with Kate Moss...no line of lycra here.
Venue: Bar
Meal: All day
Keywords: Late, Darlinghurst, Wine, Coffee
Stitch 'n' Bitch
WHAT
STITCH 'N' BITCH
WHERE
MU MESON ARCHIVES, THE BACK OF KING FURNITURE AT THE CORNER OF PARRAMATTA RD & TRAFALGAR STS, ANNANDALE
WHEN
4PM ONE SUNDAY A MONTH. CHECK THE MU MESON PROGRAM FOR DETAILS. NEXT SESSION MID SEPT.
HOW MUCH
FREE BUT BRING A PLATE OF FOOD OR SOMETHING TO DRINK
CONTACT
9517 2010 OR HERE
Got a burgeoning pile of darning to attend to? Been meaning to learn how to knit? Need to brush up your double crochet stitch? Like cake?
Head to Stitch 'n' Bitch, a craft club run by the lovely Miss Death (aka Aspasia) at Mu Meson Archives, our favourite place to watch forgotten cinematic gems.
The monthly gathering attracts anyone from 7-year-old boys to ladies in their seventies, and caters to projects as broad as knitting, needlepoint, tapestry, crochet, hand sewing, and even sculpture work.
Everyone contributes things to eat and drink, and according to Miss Death boys are welcome as long as they do a craft or something useful.
Ambience: Indoor
Difficulty: Exertion will pay off
Japanese Whispers
WHAT
JAPANESE WHISPERS
WHERE
OXFORD ART FACTORY, 38-46 OXFORD ST, DARLINGHURST
WHEN
THUR AUG 21, 8PM
HOW MUCH
$5
If there are two words you should be whispering this Thursday it is these: Flying Foxes. The band is an All-Star mumble of cut-up, low-fi rock mixed with shambolic, Pavement-esque urgency. Representing the ‘Japan' side of things are Lions At Your Door, who have just returned from - you guessed it - Tokyo. $5 entry on a Thursday, that's cheaper than vended Suntory. - NS
Event: Bands
Stimulus: W
Keywords: Oxford Art Factory, Flying Foxes, Lions At Your Door
Dynamite - Last Ever!
WHAT
DYNAMITE - LAST EVER!
WHERE
BRIGHTON UP BAR, 77 OXFORD ST, DARLINGHURST
WHEN
SAT AUG 23, 10PM
HOW MUCH
$5
Captain Franco and Count Doyle are not historical heroes, despite what their names suggest. Well not yet because we haven't yet reached a time in history where our DJs are studied officially in schools. For bang on two years the aforementioned have put on Dynamite each month to great effect. An unwavering dedication to spinning reggae, ska, soul, dub and dancehall and throwing up something a little different means a tear or two will be shed this weekend. All flags at half-mast. - GK
Event: DJs
Stimulus: W
Keywords: Darlinghurst, Brighton Bar, Dynamite
Little Red
WHAT
LITTLE RED
WHERE
ANNANDALE HOTEL, CNR. PARRAMATTA RD & NELSON ST, ANNANDALE
WHEN
SAT AUG 23, 8PM
HOW MUCH
$15 + BF
How long has it been since you've danced with a partner? We're talking about real dancing - twisting and spinning and attempted lifting. None of this sixth grade heel-and-toe polka business. If you had to sit and think about that, then you need to get down to the Annandale and check these Melbourne fellas out. They've played almost every major festival in Australia, but this is their first headline gig in Sydney. By the end of the night you'll have a favourite song, and be prepared, they'll make you blush. - HM
Event: Bands
Stimulus: A
The Chaperones
WHAT
THE CHAPERONES W/ PHILADELPHIA GRAND JURY + THE MISCHIEF
WHERE
SPECTRUM, 34 OXFORD ST DARLINGHURST
WHEN
SAT AUG 23, 8PM
HOW MUCH
$10
Here's the story of The Chaperones. A boy and a girl met through a mutual friend. A week later they started bashing out songs. One worked at a bottle shop, the other at a record store. Together, they made music. Cameron Crowe should get onto these kids. They've recorded their second EP, TRIGGER MAN, and will launch it this week. - VH
Event: Bands
Stimulus: E
Keywords: Spectrum, The Chaperones
Bachelor of Arts
WHAT
BACHELOR OF ARTS W/ OHANA + GHOSTS OF TELEVISION
WHERE
HOPETOUN HOTEL, 416 BOURKE ST, SURRY HILLS
WHEN
SUN AUG 24, 6PM
HOW MUCH
$10
If you want an insight into what Bachelor Of Arts are all about, you can look into their manifesto of sorts: 'Bachelor of Arts is an exercise in critical thinking for an apathetic and abstinent generation'. If that's too much of an exercise in abstraction for you, then you should also know that they've played with My Disco, Japanther, and These New Puritans. The band's launching debut album INFINITE JEST, before heading abroad for seven months - this means get in now or miss out. - VH
Event: Bands
Stimulus: C
Keywords: Surry Hills, Hopetoun Hotel, Bachelor of Arts
Allen Lane was just a dude who wanted something to read on the train. And was that too much to ask? Yes, it was. Back in 1935 all they had was the interwar equivalent of NW (sure, it was the stars without makeup edition, but this was before plastic surgery) and shoddy paperbacks. Lucky for us, Allen was a glass-half-full kind of guy, and he founded Penguin Books right there and then.
"We believed in the existence of a vast reading public for intelligent books at a low price, and staked everything on it," said Allen. And now Penguin are publishing a set of 50 Popular Penguins to remind us how awesome they are. (Which is pretty awesome, in a hot-yet-approachably-nerdy way). The set includes everyone from Jane Austen to F. Scott Fitzgerald. (If you are a designer and can't read, you will still enjoy this stylish re-issue of Edward Young's original cover design. Aaaaah, Gill Sans-Serif Bold.)
There are TWO ways to win a set! Enter Penguin's competition here and you could get a T-shirt and a tote as well as the books. The Thousands have a set of the books to give away ourselves, so enter our competition by answering the following question.
This week's question:
Allen Lane founded...
a) Penguin Books
b) A definite trend towards Gill Sans-Serif Bold
c) nuthin' to read on the train, poor dude
d) the modern intellectual club
To be in the running, send your answer, name and mailing address to win@twothousand.com.au. Subscriber only entry! Not a subscriber? No sweat. Sign up here.
TwoThousand is a weekly snapshot of Sydney's subculture, fired by email into the loving arms of people who realise that the best things in life are often hard to find. It is compiled by an amorphous gaggle of writers, stylists, designers and photographers who all like huddling under that big umbrella we call creativity. Without editorial independence TwoThousand has nothing. All editorial you read is featured because it's worth it - not because it's paid for.
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The information in TwoThousand is subject to change. Although we attempt to ensure that the content at the time of publication is correct, we do not guarantee its accuracy or currency. Right Angle Publishing accepts no responsibility to you or anyone else arising from any use or reliance on the information contained in TwoThousand or any inaccuracy in the information. The views and opinions expressed on material included in TwoThousand may not reflect those of Right Angle Publishing.
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EDITOR
Nadia Saccardo
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Erin Bromhead and Lucy Hinde
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