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TwoThousand revisits the classics. Episode #2: 'Moby Dick'

Article published 23rd Jun 09
TwoThousand revisits the classics. Episode #2: 'Moby Dick' Read

What:
TwoThousand revisits the classics. Episode #2: 'Moby Dick'

Who:
Herman Melville

Pages:
About 1,946

Classic Status:
Often considered the embodiment of American Romanticism

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"Cap'n, Cap'n, yonder be the white whale!" yells a salty sea dog from the rigging.
"At last! Where be the monster, man?"
"Two leagues off starboard, Cap'n Ahab, 'tis him for sure!"
"Lower the boats! Sharpen the harpoons! Cabin boy, fetch my good stump!"
"Ermm, hold on a minute Cap'n," the sailor squints. "Nope, 'tis not him after all. I think it's just a squall in the distance. Sorry about that."

The crew all sigh and resume their duties until the next chapter, when some idiot hollers, "Cap'n, Cap'n, 'tis the white whale off the port bow!"
"Are ye sure, man? ‚'tis not just an outcrop of rock you're seeing?"
"No, it's him for.. oh, wait a second, yeah, you're right Captain, it's just another bunch of rocks. Sorry everybody."

Melville's supposed masterpiece's main accomplishment is to frustrate time and time again as they catch sight of what they think is Moby Dick only to quickly discover it's just a drowning albatross or an iceberg. When they do finally see him, ten pages before the end, he takes one look at their puny boats, eats them, smashes into the ship and swims off. Just like that. In the space of one frigging page. Melville, we know it's meant to be a metaphor and everything, but just for the record, you're a bastard.

By Chris Flynn

Format: Book

Motivation: Kill twenty minutes dead

Keywords: Literature

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