TwoThousand

GOODS: Grow Your Own Crystals

Thu, 18 Mar 2010 00:00:00 +1100

What:
Grow Your Own Crystals

Where:
In your kitchen

When:
Anytime

How much:
Around $5

When we shift from summer to winter, we see two things; heightened boredom and new fashions. Lucky for you, we can help you with both, by means of a simple science experiment.

To grow your own crystals you'll need a cup of boiling water, half a cup of salt, a jar, tissue, some string and a pencil. Use food colouring if you want to get tech. Use sugar instead of salt if you want to eat your new fashions. Or use alum instead of salt if you want to grow some big mahf*ckers. We didn't try that, but you can read about it here.

Tie a length of string to the pencil and make it long enough so that when the pencil lays across the top of the jar, the string almost reaches the bottom. Now set it aside. Fill your jar with boiling water and stir in salt, sugar or alum, one teaspoon at a time until it wont dissolve anymore. This is called supersaturation, congratulations. Add some food colouring if you like, then place pencil and string on top and cover from dust with some tissue.

Screw paying for that YSL ring. Within a day you'll see some high fashion crystals forming.

HEAR: Joanna Newsom, Have One On Me

Thu, 18 Mar 2010 00:00:00 +1100

What:
Have One On Me

Who:
Joanna Newsom

On:
Drag City

Where:
Also available on vinyl at Polyester

Everybody has their One. Mine used to be Zooey Deschanel, before the malicious bitch decided that her One was Ben Gibbard. A single listening of Have One on Me was all it took to put thoughts of Zooey well and truly to bed (unfortunately not mine).

The album, Joanna Newsom's third, sprawls across three CDs and showcases her constantly developing range as a songstress. Whimsical, melodious and texturally rich, this album transported me to Newsom's lyrical land of Jacquards and Palanquins.

When most people think ‘Joanna Newsom', they think ‘screechy, jarring voice'. Have One On Mesees Joanna lay the screech to rest, replacing it with a sweeter, more mature voice, laced with so much affection and warmth I was ready to jump on the next plane to San Fran and run into Newsom's sweet, sweet embrace. The fact that she's also a total minx didn't even cross my mind...

SHOP: Something Weird Video

Wed, 17 Mar 2010 00:00:00 +1100

What:
Something Weird Video

Where:
Online at www.somethingweird.com

How much:
Feature-length downloads for $5.99; DVD or VHS $10 plus shipping costs

Contact:
www.somethingweird.com

While low budget films flourish in other countries, us ‘civilized' white folks hardly ever make cheap, fun, ‘bad' movies anymore. Which SUCKS.

Something Weird Vide o specialize in boldly bizarre and bad movies; go-go girls, nudist camps, hippie drug casualties, low-budget sci-fi, gore, juvenile delinquents... The kind of bad taste and exploitation that manic, huckster movie producers like David F. Friedman and Herschell Gordon Lewis sold to lonely bachelors at the arthouse, or stoned teens at the drive-in - but would never get a green light today.

Started in 1990, Something Weird sell DVDs and videos, but are stepping up their game for 2010, making movies available as downloads - for cheap! Check out some of these brain-boggling trailers, if you dare.

- Bummer ("a far out trip through a hard rock tunnel")
- Blood Feast (or any of H.G. Lewis' blood trilogy)
- She Devils On Wheels
- Reefer Madness ("the burning weed with its roots in hell!")

Far out. Now if we could just find a drive-in to watch these at, everything would be perfect.

HEAR: Royal Headache 7"

Wed, 17 Mar 2010 00:00:00 +1100

What:
Royal Headache 7"

Who:
Royal Headache

On:
R.I.P. Society Records

Myspace:
www.myspace.com/royalheadache

Sydney's Royal Headache could be Australia's finest garage power-pop band. It seems that every song they write is infectious as hell, taking sugary 60s garage hooks and blasting them through your speakers with punkish fervor and velocity.

Opening track ‘Eloise' is the one that incited frenzy on Pitchfork, and if your misanthropic punk mate scoffs at the exuberance of the "nah, nahs" in the outro, chances are they're the only good thing that happened to him that week.

‘Girls' is amazing - brittle guitar riffing set to an uptight and agitated punk beat. Singer Shogun lets loose with a soul-inflected holler that completely hits the mark. Hard to believe on paper (or screen), but you'll get it once you hear it. This lo-fi recording is scratchy and blown-out, making it sound like an old and weathered single that's been left out in the sun a few times; it suits the tunes perfectly. If you like the Buzzcocks, Ramones or the Undertones, pick this up now, and then ask them to play your next house party.

OUT: More OUTS! - Mar 18